Rebel that I am

Day 4

Another 5.45am alarm, another whinge.  I must learn to go to bed earlier, 5.5 hours is just not enough for me. 

With the excitement of day 3 weigh in out of the way, I wasn't supposed to weigh today.  But, rebel that I am, I hopped up on them there scales, there is no change today BUT I have lost a wee bit more off my waist.   Result...

The morning workout today was the Jillian Michaels series on the fitness channel.  I realised within moments that I'd met my future.  This is far more my sort of thing than Shaun T and his insane ideas.  BTB set the pace and we were rocking those moves, and by the time we were finished I have to say, I could feel it all over.  But in a good way - invigorated and enthusiastic.  Hot then cold shower, then downstairs for the morning gel/shake ritual.  Its really becoming OK to drink the gel now, although I doubt it ill ever be my drink of choice.

Before work I set the slow cooker for another Hairy Dieter Receipe, this time the Beef in Ale casserole. 

The brisk walk to the station for work found me with tired and achey legs from the workout but alert and awake.  Certainly brighter than pre-detox days.

Lunch was another triumph.  Sliced ham, mixed three bean salad, more cucumber, more cherry tomatoes.  I was totally full about three quarters of the way in, but managed to finish it (as I know I can't fall too low beneath my calorie count) and I then stayed full all afternoon.  I downed 2 litres of water throughout the day and felt great.

Dinner was good.  I skipped potatoes and went instead for steamed green beans and broccolli.  Again, it beat me and BF finished mine off again.  At this rate he'll be the one needing to shift some pounds.

Big difference I'm noticing now is that I'm not so desperate to lay on sofa and sleep as soon as I get in.  Tonight after dinner, I decided to make tomorrow night's food ahead of time to save prepping when i get in.  Finally sit down at around 10.15pm.  I'm no longer dreading tomorrow's alarm.

Can't wait for next weigh in and measure.

EB x

Yummity yummity in my belly

Day 3

Yeah baby!  First weigh in of the programme, and I'm chuffed to bits.  Astonishingly, in only 2 days, I've lost (drum roll, please...)
4LBS!!!!

Yes, folks, 4 lbs of nasty fat and toxins, in three days.  Now I know that many people will say "oh its not real weight, it's water and it's easy in the first few days" but I'll refute that because (a) I was already watching what I was eating and drinking during my "pretox" and (b) because I've also lost a fab fab fab 3 inches from my tummy and an inch off each thigh, plus a measly half inch off each of my upper arms.  Sadly, no loss of hips yet, but I'm hanging in there.  Very pleased with that.

So what did Day 3 entail?  I'll tell you.  Food.  Yummy, chewy, crunchy, textured food.

The day went something like this.

5.45am alarm.  Not happy, I whinged a bit, snoozed twice and eventually yawned my way out of bed for my 6am workout with BTB.  In fairness, it was my own fault I struggled to get up for not going to be earlier, but hey ho.  Lesson learned.  Within a few minutes, I was up and about, and after the morning weigh in (did I tell you I lost 4lbs?) off I go to get kitted out for the morning workout.  Come on Shaun T - give me your best shot.

Unfortunately for me, I realised about half way through the morning's insanity session that I hate, really hate Shaun T.  I hate his stupid marine body, his stupid gurning Tania, his stupid jumping about stupid programme.  Yes, yes, no pain, no gain, I get it, but heavens to murgatroyd.  They could at least pretend to make it interesting.  Yes, I want Tania's body, but no, I don't want to have to be tortured at 6am for it.  Therefore, mid way through the third round of suicide jumps I came to the conclusion that I had two options.  I could actually commit suicide, or buy a different workout DVD.  I chose the latter.  Mainly as I didn't have the energy to actually commit suicide.

After my morning's exertions I get showered and ready for work.  Never has a hairdryer felt so heavy.  In fact, never has a mascara brush felt so heavy. But I soldier on and before I know it I'm ready for work.  I have more energy than I expected, although still not the amazing burst I had been promised. 

Have to say, the aloe vera gel is still utterly rank, but now that I'm a Day 3-er I only have to take it twice a day and to be honest, I'm such an old hand now it goes down with barely a wince.  And the milkshake is still utterly, utterly delicious.  Not a bad start.

Mid morning I take my two bee pollen tablets, and then its lunch.  Yuuuuum.  Two ryvita with a light covering of light Philly, topped with cucumber slices and a handful of cherry tomatoes.  Initially it didn't look like it was going to be enough, but it was surprisingly filling (probably as I hadn't eaten anything other than the prescribed shakes and supplements since Friday).  Having thoroughly enjoyed my lunch, I the had the milkshake to look forward to, but as I was feeling strangely full I saved that til later in the afternoon, at which time it went down a treat.  I also indulged in an appled, just because I could.

Mid-afternoon I noticed that my usual "flagging" after lunch had not occurred.  I felt bright and rested and awake, not hungry but not stuffed and bloated either.  Great result.

Supper time however was the peak of the day.  The Hairy Dieters cookbook has become my new best friend, and tonight was the try out of the Cajun Spiced Chicken, with potato wedges and a yoghurt and chive dip and watercress salad.  I slightly modified the recipe to use 1 cal spray instead of oil, and to use sweet potato rather than regular, and oh boy.  It was delicious.  Again, I found myself feeling full before the end, which was surprising as I only had one small chicken breast and a handful of wedges.  I struggled to finish, so BF ended polishing mine off too.

The gel by now is not an issue at all, and is going down fairly easily too.  I think, but not sure, I am feeling the benefits but perhaps I am just excited from all the yummity yummity in my belly.  Time will tell, I guess.


EB xx

Hold it in the nostrils

Day 2

Well, this has been a little tougher than day 1, mainly as I am now extremely hungry.  My last meal was 48 hours ago, and save for the yukky gel, handfuls aof supplements and two milkshakes, I have had nothing since.  I am drinking water like its going out of fashion, sometimes cold, sometimes hot, and when I feel like really mixing it up I add a slice of lemon.  Hell, tomorrow, I might even have a slice of lime.  I know how to live, there's no denying that.

The day started well, with me waking refreshed after my mammoth sleep, and I was ready to leap out of bed for another dose of Insanity.

That's where I hit snag 1.

My body doesn't work.  I'm stiff and achy, and I feel like I've been hit by a truck.  I'm not poorly though, I'm just THAT unfit.  25 mins yesterday of Shaun T and Tania grinning away encouraging me to jump about whilst promising I too can have a body like hers has left me incapable of getting my over stretched hamstrings to drag me out of bed, let alone to do another moment of their maniacal leaping about.  However, I need to set example to BTB so I force myself on.  Whilst on the loo I do a few little stretches, circle my ankles and make out all is fine.

I then do something very naughty - I weigh in again.  Not supposed to do that til tomorrow, but hey, I like to live on the edge.  So with no small amount of trepidation I step on the scales and am amazed to see 3lb off!  Yessirree - 10st 7 today.  Pretty pleased with that.

We go through the garcinia/gel/pollen routine throughout the morning, but poor old BTB is really suffering.  Apart from my general stiffness and a very slight headache, I feel fine, so keep on at her that we need to exercise, but soon even I see that my nagging is not going to get Shaun T on the telly.  So instead I suggest a gentle walk round the village so we are at least moving, and getting some fresh air.   To make it more of a workout for me I put my MBT shoes on (oooooh they work the calves, I tells ya).  This apparently did the trick and BTB is soon cured and we decide to walk on a bit further up the canal.  Until it rains, and that puts paid to our good intentions.

By the time we get back its shake time (yay - my favourite part) and can honestly say I'm not massively hungry.  I feel a wee bit dizzy, but nothing too bad, still got slight headache, but the copious amounts of water are doing wonders.

I then decide that as I am now only 24 hours away from my next meal I'll do a meal plan for the week so I can make sure we have everything we need and there is no temptation to cheat.  What sort of idiot decides to go through cook books in the middle of a detox?  No food in my tummy, and I decide to look at cookbooks and go to Sainsburys.  Perhaps the detox is affecting my brain too.

Walking around the aisles took far longer than it should have done.  I keep stopping to look at the pretty oranges, lettuces, celery, packets of flour, lard... anything and everything has taken on a supernatural appeal.  I was drooling by the time I left and decided drastic action was needed.  I know, I'll clean the fridge.  Then my clean and healthy food can go into my clean and healthy fridge.

Now what comes next is a bit weird, I'm afraid.  When putting the food and groceries back in the fridge I was consumed by an overwhelming desire to sniff the packet of ham. And not a delicate little sniff to see if it was fresh. No, this was a proper suck all the surrounding air and hold it in the nostrils junky sniff.  When done I was elated, then realised I was going crazy so threw the poor pork product into the fridge shut the door and walked away from the kitchen before I was overtaken by the irresistable lure to its meaty smell.  My, lust is a powerful mistress.

All in all I'm very happy with day 2 progress.  I've resisted temptation, my headache is still there a bit, I'm quite tired and can't wait for food tomorrow, but really this has not been that bad.  I am really hungry now though, although that is coming and going. Oddly, I'm craving vegetables rather than naughty things, perhaps this is a side effect of the detox?  My now clean body is seeking replenishment from healthy sources.  Hope so. 

BTB also reports feeling much better.  I really thought for a while this afternoon she was going to quit, but she is feeling much more positive this evening.  Fingers crossed for good results at tomrrow's official weigh in tomorrow.  Might take some measurements too.

EB xx

The Numbers Do Not Lie

And... we're off.

With day 1 now safely tucked under my slightly looser belt, I'm happy to report that so far, so good.

The day started with an early alarm to pick the lovely BTB from the airport.  Upon arriving home at around 8am we excitedly unwrapped 'breakfast', this being two garcinia tablets, to be followed in 20 mins by 4oz of aloe vera gel. 

Now I'm a bit of a research geek, and as such I frequent numerous online info sites, forums etc seeking out snippets of info/opinions of previous detoxers for their experiences.  The near universal feedback of detox veterans is that the gel is, quite frankly, rank. I was therefore expecting the worst, but determined as I am, figured if I can knock back Aftershocks then I can manage a drop of gel.

What my forum stalking did not reveal however, is that the garcinia tablets are of a size more akin to horse pills than a dainty, flowery sounding supplement like "garcinia".  Frankly, I didn't know whether to stick them up my botty or take them to the vets.  However, I soldiered on, took the two missiles swallowed down with copious amounts of water, and off I trotted to be measured.

And that's where it all went wrong, or all went right, depending on your viewpoint. 

First I hopped up on the scales for the day 1 weigh in.  10st 10lbs.  Eeeeeek.  I'm usually around 10st 2, although can fluctuate by half a stone either way.   However, like many women, my weight appears to be directly related not to what I eat, or how many calories I burn in the gym, but to my love life, and how content I am.  A good old fashioned dose of heartbreak and I can lose a stone in a week.  Currently though I appear to be very happy, if my scales are telling the truth.

Undefeated I plod off to the bedroom and out comes the tape measure. 

What happens next just ain't pretty.

Firstly, I measure my bust.  That was pretty much as expected, as were my arms and thighs.  However, when looking at the waist measurement I nearly fell over!  31.5"!!!!!! That's a mansize waist!  What happened to the svelte 24" inches of my youth?  Initially I was in denial, then I thought I'd been sold a duff tape measure.  Or perhaps I'd measured in cm my mistake?  But no, apparently the numbers do not lie.  I really am that much of a bloater.

Matters were not assisted by the hip measurements.  37".  So much for the apparent ideal of there being 12" between bust and waist, and 12" between waist and hips.  If there were 12" between my waist and hips I'd have to have my doorways widened. 

So, fired up by these depressing figures my determination was set.  Off I pop for the aloe vera gel.

This was the moment I had dreaded.  It is difficult to capture the horror that is this revolting, bitter sludge, and I was for a moment tempted to say "sod it" and fire up the pan for some bacon and eggs.  But no, the 31.5" and 37" numbers were screaming at me, so I decided to be a big soldier and just knock it back.  And you know what?  It's not that bad.  Really. I mean, I'm not going to lie and say it's mother's milk or owt, but it didn't strip the enamel off my teeth as I'd expected going from the smell of it.  So with that out the way back goes another glass of water and it's off to exercise.

Now as I have already said, me and exercise are not comfortable bedfellows.  I can think of a million things I'd rather do with my time, ranging from colonic hydroptherapy treatment to scraping my eyeballs out with a spoon and serving them up in a casserole.  However, needs must (31.5", 37") and so on go the trainers and out comes Shaun Bloody T and his Insanity workout.

O.M.G.

That was just the fitness test?  25 mins of squatting, leaping, lunging, press-upping - 31.5" and 37" start to seem not so bad.  But, not one to be beaten, I continue on. And I finish it - hurrah!  Feeling pretty good, and pretty flaming smug, I am.

Mid morning I start to get hungry, and so am looking forward to my mid-morn snack of... bee pollen tablets.  Seriously?  That's it?  Apparently so. At least these look like they were made for human consumption though and I have no questions as to which end to put them in.

Lunch comes round quicker than expected, given the early start and lack of food (its now 16 hours since my last meal) and it's more garcinia tablets, another shot of gel and a protein shake.  Chocolate flavour.  I'm not really a fan of milk shake but by now I need something so downed it almost in one.  DELICIOUS!  Now it may be because my stomach thinks my throat's been cut, but it was truly so lovely I was sad it was gone and will be 24 hours til I can have more.  And strangely, given that it's made with skimmed milk, it was filling too.  I didn't think about food again for a couple of hours.

After lunch however, I found myself unable to stay awake and absolutely freezing cold.  I took a nap for an hour or so, but even then had no energy for more than a mammoth Grey's Anatomy session with BTB (who was also feeling cold and tired). 

Dinner and evening snack have little to report, save that it's more garcinia, more gel, more bee pollen, no more shake (boo).  The gel is getting a little harder to stomach as the day goes on, but its still doable.  31.5' and 37'.  It keeps me going.  By 9pm I'm desperate for bed, but hang on til around 10pm, and other than waking briefly when my beloved came to bed around 1am, I sleep through until 8.45am!  Dead chuffed with that I am.

So all in all, day 1 was a bit of a breeze.  Apart from being a little hungry I've had no side effects, and  I'm excited about the prospect of increased energy, losing weight an inches, clearer skin etc.  But mostly, I'm looking forward to Monday when I can eat!

A Bucket Full of Aloe Vera Gel

Welcome to my new blog. 

This inaugural post will, I hope, serve as a reminder to my slovenly self as to precisely how I currently feel about my health, lifestyle, body etc so that when I have completed this, my very first detox, I can come back and compare notes.   I am hoping that the benefits at the end to my energy levels, concentration, sleep patterns etc will speak for themselves, but I am also virtually promised by the blurb on the programme that I will also lose between 7-14lbs in the process.  Hmm.  Sceptical much?  Yes, I guess so.

In short, I am a wannabe foodie who doesn't cook nearly as often as I'd like.  I love a glass of wine in the evening and probably drink more than is advisable (although having spoken to a number of my friends, don't we all?).  I have extremely high blood pressure (currently monitored and controlled by drugs), and I also have numerous skin conditions and ailments etc that make me a bit of a disaster area.  To name but a few:

asthma
psoriasis
eczema
urticaria
angioedema
hayfever
migraine (infrequently now, thankfully)

I sleep poorly.  I am a stresshead.  I don't exercise.

As to my work, I am a desk jockey and although my job does occasionally involve lugging heavy files around with me, for the most part I am sitting on my now rather lardy ass wondering if I am going to make it to the gym.  I spend more time booking and cancelling classes than I spend in attending them.  I commute to work and this takes approxmiately 2.5-3 hours out of my day and to be perfectly frank the last thing I feel like doing after 12 hours out of the house is to drive to a sweaty hellhole to slog my weary guts out on a stationary weapon of torture surrounded by muscle bound, no neck neanderthals apparently determined to make themselves look even more ridiculously pumped up than they already do (no offence, regular gym goers, I'm sure some of you are very nice and reasonable human beings).

As well as hating the gym, I love good food.  Cooking at home, eating out, having friends over or going to theirs - whatever.   I love rich dishes, flavoursome and attractive looking food.  As such, salads just don't do it for me.  Give me a good rare fillet steak with a calorific bearnaise sauce.  Serve up with a side of dauphinoise potatoes. Throw on some vegetables if you must, but I'll probably leave them.   What's that?  Panacotta for dessert?  Cream and sugar all mushed up?  Hell yeah.  Wash that down with a nice Fleurie and I'm laughing.

But this must all come to an end.  I'm retraining my brain.

For the past week there has been just one night where I have slept more than 3 straight hours, and that was only after taking a sleeping tablet.  That night I managed 5 hours, which was still not really enough.  I wake up groggy and tired every day and struggle to get going.

I have a constantly bloated tummy and frequently feel sluggish after eating.

Well not any more buster.  Because I'm now about to start a detox programme which has promised me great things. It basically involves drinking a bucket full of Aloe Vera Gel (even the word gel makes me not want to drink it - couldn't they have called it juice?  Or even liquid?), taking a handful of supplements (bee pollen and garcinia) and a meal replacement drink.  And water, lots and lots of water.  On days 1 and 2 that's it, no solid food.  On days however 3 to 9 I can consume a gut busting 600 calories in food, taken either as one meal or spread over the day.  I'll probably spread mine out, I think.

I'm told that days 1 and 2 can be hellish, with headaches, nausea, lethargy etc taking over. This is because the nasty toxins will be leaving my body.  I like to think of it as an exorcism of all the bad stuff and years of abuse leaving me cleaner, fresher and healthier.

I'm told that by day 3 my energy levels are promised to have risen, I will be feeling healthier, sleeping better etc.  Longer term benefits are clear skin, shiny hair, strong nails etc.   Oh, and I will have lost between 7-14lbs of blubber.

It all sounds a bit too good to be true, and like everyone else, I read the blurb on Google and of course its nearly all written by suppliers and distributors of the product. I have therefore decided to do a warts and all report of my own personal experience.  I will be checking in daily with updates, the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.  I might even check in with a picture or two (brace yourselves, those bikini shots might be a little much to face over your morning bran flakes).

At the end of the 9 day detox there is a second plan which is a longer term plan for lifelong health. However I'm going to see if I survive stage 1 first before considering stage 2.

In readiness for the plan I have been engaging in a mini "pre-tox" - that is I've cut out tea and coffee, fizzy drinks, sweets etc.  I am also supposed to have cut out wine, but that hasn't happened yet (although consumption has been greatly reduced).  I am supposed to have started exercising every day as well  but again, not happened yet.  Although I am now using the stairs at work instead of the lift (hardly a great achievement as we're only on the firstfloor, but every little helps).

My wonderful daughter ("BTB") is joining me on the plan in readiness for her wedding next year.  If she'll allow, I will report on her progress too.

Wish me luck...

EB x