This inaugural post will, I hope, serve as a reminder to my slovenly self as to precisely how I currently feel about my health, lifestyle, body etc so that when I have completed this, my very first detox, I can come back and compare notes. I am hoping that the benefits at the end to my energy levels, concentration, sleep patterns etc will speak for themselves, but I am also virtually promised by the blurb on the programme that I will also lose between 7-14lbs in the process. Hmm. Sceptical much? Yes, I guess so.
In short, I am a wannabe foodie who doesn't cook nearly as often as I'd like. I love a glass of wine in the evening and probably drink more than is advisable (although having spoken to a number of my friends, don't we all?). I have extremely high blood pressure (currently monitored and controlled by drugs), and I also have numerous skin conditions and ailments etc that make me a bit of a disaster area. To name but a few:
asthma
psoriasis
eczema
urticaria
angioedema
hayfever
migraine (infrequently now, thankfully)
I sleep poorly. I am a stresshead. I don't exercise.
As to my work, I am a desk jockey and although my job does occasionally involve lugging heavy files around with me, for the most part I am sitting on my now rather lardy ass wondering if I am going to make it to the gym. I spend more time booking and cancelling classes than I spend in attending them. I commute to work and this takes approxmiately 2.5-3 hours out of my day and to be perfectly frank the last thing I feel like doing after 12 hours out of the house is to drive to a sweaty hellhole to slog my weary guts out on a stationary weapon of torture surrounded by muscle bound, no neck neanderthals apparently determined to make themselves look even more ridiculously pumped up than they already do (no offence, regular gym goers, I'm sure some of you are very nice and reasonable human beings).
As well as hating the gym, I love good food. Cooking at home, eating out, having friends over or going to theirs - whatever. I love rich dishes, flavoursome and attractive looking food. As such, salads just don't do it for me. Give me a good rare fillet steak with a calorific bearnaise sauce. Serve up with a side of dauphinoise potatoes. Throw on some vegetables if you must, but I'll probably leave them. What's that? Panacotta for dessert? Cream and sugar all mushed up? Hell yeah. Wash that down with a nice Fleurie and I'm laughing.
But this must all come to an end. I'm retraining my brain.
For the past week there has been just one night where I have slept more than 3 straight hours, and that was only after taking a sleeping tablet. That night I managed 5 hours, which was still not really enough. I wake up groggy and tired every day and struggle to get going.
I have a constantly bloated tummy and frequently feel sluggish after eating.
Well not any more buster. Because I'm now about to start a detox programme which has promised me great things. It basically involves drinking a bucket full of Aloe Vera Gel (even the word gel makes me not want to drink it - couldn't they have called it juice? Or even liquid?), taking a handful of supplements (bee pollen and garcinia) and a meal replacement drink. And water, lots and lots of water. On days 1 and 2 that's it, no solid food. On days however 3 to 9 I can consume a gut busting 600 calories in food, taken either as one meal or spread over the day. I'll probably spread mine out, I think.
I'm told that days 1 and 2 can be hellish, with headaches, nausea, lethargy etc taking over. This is because the nasty toxins will be leaving my body. I like to think of it as an exorcism of all the bad stuff and years of abuse leaving me cleaner, fresher and healthier.
I'm told that by day 3 my energy levels are promised to have risen, I will be feeling healthier, sleeping better etc. Longer term benefits are clear skin, shiny hair, strong nails etc. Oh, and I will have lost between 7-14lbs of blubber.
It all sounds a bit too good to be true, and like everyone else, I read the blurb on Google and of course its nearly all written by suppliers and distributors of the product. I have therefore decided to do a warts and all report of my own personal experience. I will be checking in daily with updates, the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. I might even check in with a picture or two (brace yourselves, those bikini shots might be a little much to face over your morning bran flakes).
At the end of the 9 day detox there is a second plan which is a longer term plan for lifelong health. However I'm going to see if I survive stage 1 first before considering stage 2.
In readiness for the plan I have been engaging in a mini "pre-tox" - that is I've cut out tea and coffee, fizzy drinks, sweets etc. I am also supposed to have cut out wine, but that hasn't happened yet (although consumption has been greatly reduced). I am supposed to have started exercising every day as well but again, not happened yet. Although I am now using the stairs at work instead of the lift (hardly a great achievement as we're only on the firstfloor, but every little helps).
My wonderful daughter ("BTB") is joining me on the plan in readiness for her wedding next year. If she'll allow, I will report on her progress too.
Wish me luck...
EB x
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